Brownies dan memori

HARI PERTAMA

Aku tak pernah makan brownies.

Aku penah makan kek secret recipe. Last time aku pegi dengan ex girlfriend aku. Dia yang introduce kat aku kek kek tu. Aku tak suka sangat makan kek. Tapi kalau ada orang ajak aku pergi makan.

Last time aku kuar makan sama sama, dia ajak aku makan secret recipe lagi.

Menu dia tulis:
Chicken grilled with bbq sauce, ice lemon tea + brownies. harga Rm 18.90

Aku order yang tu. Aku makan. Sedap? tak la sedap sangat
Tapi kalau RM 18.90 ayam, nasik dengan teh o ais. Mahal sangat dalam hati aku. Memang tak berbaloi. Aku memang jarang pegi makan kat kedai mahal-mahal kecuali dengan dia. Kalau makan roti canai dah boleh dapat lebih 20 keping. Tapi tak guna cerita pasal perbandingan pasal memang tak akan dapat secret recipe jual roti canai punya kat malaysia ni.

Lepas abis dish main course. Dia hantar brownies. Kek coklat hitam siap ada macam minyak minyak skit. Aku makan. Aku ajak dia makan. Tapi die refuse. Katanya diet. Aku cakap dont worry! Skali skala. So dia makan.... Kitorang makan.
Heaven. Sedap gile. recommended

Kitorang siap makan. And aku rasa tu la kek yang paling best penah aku makan. High skit rase. Macamana la rasenye hash brownies. Mantol lagi.

Kitorang balik umah masing masing. Aku dah takdek ape ape ngan die. Die dah clash ngan aku dekat setahun dah. Tapi kadang kadang makan sama sama.

Kalau boleh taknak ada attachment lagi. Tapi kadang kadang rindu sangat.
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dan hari berikutnya:

Aku ada training kat menara telekom. Buat training untuk new system. kawan aku punye birthday hari tu.
Kebetulan aku teringat brownies. macam kene pukau.

Aku beli 4 slices. Rm 18.40 sama macam dish set aku makan dulu.
Tengah training aku ajak trainer aku makan sama sama. Celebrate birthday la..

Muka kawan aku sengih macam happy. Aku tak tahu pasal sebab kek aku beli tu sedap atau sebab die minat kat aku. ahaha. Takdek la. Maybe she feel happy dalam hati aku..

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Malam tu aku terfikir.
Ada 2 kebarangkalian:

- Samada aku dah ketagih brownies sebab secret recipe pakai guna guna sebab tu tiap tiap ari aku beli brownies.

- Atau aku teringat ingat kat ex gf aku sebab tu aku beli brownies pada hari keduanya

Tak tahu la.
Esok lusa aku carik jawapan die.

sabun, air dan kereta!

Aku rasa ramai orang suka kereta la. Everybody want their car to look nice and beautiful.

Last time aku basuh kereta dengan budak ofis aku. Aku pegi bertiga. Bukan dating sangat la pasal kawan lelaki aku ikut skali. Aku bawak kereta aku, iswara, cermin belah driver dah tak boleh turun pasal dah rosak. Biasala. kereta proton.

Yang perempuan ni pakai kereta MYVI, baru beli 2 bulan. Tapi die cakap dah 2 bulan tak basuh.

Aku tanye die kenapa tak basuh kereta? Asal kotor sangat? Die cakap takdak orang teman.

Aku pelik, cakap dalam hati "Basuh kereta bukan kena basuh malam-malam pun". Kenapa nak kene ada orang teman.

So aku tanya skali lagi. Last skali basuh kereta bile?

Die jawab "ayah saya basuhkan, masa balik melaka dulu".

"Oh", aku jawab. "Sebelum tu? " aku tanya lagi.

"last skali dengan boyfriend, tapi dah clash. So lepas clash, tak pernah basuh kereta"

Dalam hati aku rasa, minah ni sayang boyfrens die lagidaripada kereta die.

Aku jawab "Saya pun sama, last skali basuh ngan girlfriends saya". Dia ketawa. Hehe. Tau aku gurau. Sebab last skali aku basuh kereta bile kereta aku kene banjir kat belakang dataran. Abis duit aku RM 1000 lebih. Sial

Kereta dah siap basuh dua dua. Cantik lagi kereta dia pada kereta aku.

Then aku puji kereta die dah bersih. Dah putih cantik. Kereta die kaler putih.
Aku pergi bayar dengan dia kat kaunter. Dia amik belon. Aku tanya die "Belon nak kasik sape".

"Nak kasik anak buah". Dia jawab. Muka senyum. Happy sangat.
Oh, suka budak budak dalam hati aku.

Aku pun balik lepas tu. Sebelum tu dia selalu cakap kat aku nak pakai kereta bettle walkswogen. Nak pakai kereta mahal mahal. Aku cakap suruh die kawin 10 laki. Tiap tiap laki amik RM 500 sebulan. Dah boleh beli kereta mahal

Dia jawab "Taknak la. letih nanti".
Aku gelak kuat kuat.

Dalam hati aku. Kereta tak penting sangat. Sebab kalau ada kereta pun, tapi susah nak basuh. Nampak sangat hati tak berapa ok. Yang penting cinta. Sebab kalau takdak cinta. Basuh kereta pun malas.

Kereta tu nafsu aja.. ehehhe

THE SAME LONG ROAD

1. What was the most subversive word if u living in the communist country? I guess it must be, that dictatorship proapaganda-theory was pretty suck!

2. What was the most revolutionary word from the democratic 3rd world suppressive country people? I guess it must be, block the road, and smash the capitalist industry

3. What was the most intelligent word from the people from the first country, for example let say France? It must be, that the civilization need some balance between the rich and poor and retrieving the old historical philosophy can bring to one harmony. And its not bonjour.

4. And what about the most subversive, revolutionary and intelligent word from someone who share the same demographic, climate and culture with me?



Here it goes

"
Life is everyday battle war - work is desease tho u trap and have to find some money to live, and going somewhere else to learn something new is revolutionary step to break free, and challenging the skeptical and moral control of authorithy gonna be self-revolutionary.
"

I always feel belong to this last question!. Number 4. And guess every single soul whether who they are wherever they want to go, wherever they dream about because life is always to reach the dream and escaping all this boring setup.

So, u, u and u.. U got it right! And perhaps i can listen to any of that dream..... And i need it to be retrieve here.. Post a comment!

to be continued......

Di tengah-tengah kota Pyong Yang dan New york

Lama aku tak update blog ni. Last skali tahun lepas.

!Tapi nothing to lose pun!

Ni bukan nye magazine FHM ke, URTV ke, Maximum Rock N Roll ke, nak kene kejar dateline,
publish tiap tiap bulan. Ni blog biasa. Saja saja.


- Ada dua hajat dalam bulan ni.

Hajat Pertama.Tapi kalau boleh dan berduit la, memang aku nak pegi PYONGYANG kat north korea dan baca buku 1984 (george orwell) macam guy delisle buat. Sapa kot delisle: check www.drawnandquarterly.com dan carik guy delisle.

Kalau baca komik "Pyongyang" yang delisle lukis, memang tak larat nak bayangkan macam mana bosannya hidup yang di set up oleh satu dogma kepada semua orang, dan didalamnya ada sorang yang paling berkuasa, LORD KIM. duh! "Power Propaganda" memang "disastrous" dan pengalaman delisle di pyong memang lucu, sedih, seram dan gila! Kalau macam tu lah, takdak apa yang dibanggakan dengan pelawanan terhadap kapitalisma, sedangkan yang melawan dipegang oleh kuasa bentuk diktatorship. Seperti kiri dan kanan di pegang oleh yang paling atas. Jauh panggang dari api kalau dibezakan dengan senario neo liberitarian die Amerika Selatan. Hidup lord kim. kiss my ass... ahahah.

Hajat kedua. Aku harapkan orang akan lagi sayang dan sayang dan akan sayang diri mereka sendiri. Tak susah. Tak semestinya "Making love to urself = art of masturbation", yuen best column. :). Tapi sayang maksudnya tiada lagi ketakutan dalam diri sendiri atau ketakutan terhadap orang lain. Macam cite star wars "fear is the path of dark side". Awesome! Kalau band forgotten dari indonesia lagi sempoi. "kamu adalah tuhan kamu sendiri", dan itu bermaksud kamu harus sayang diri kamu lagi, dan lagi dan lagi.

Dan takda apa apa cerita mengenai new york dalam ni. Saja nak kasik hot sikit title die. Tapi teringat pasal new york, the terminal adalah cerita yang terbaik penah aku tengok dilakonkan di lapangan terbang New York.

Berhenti dulu.
Nak makan nasik goreng cina! chow

money = life = money

Last time I went to Mid Valley, big corporate book store, put my ass somewhere around there, pick up one book.
The title is: Invisible Monster by chuck phalaniuk.

One nice word from the book that is simply brillinat,
we are just a product and we are no different from the barbie doll, the car or anything else. We can be wreck and dump in any single minutes, EVERYDAY.
Very provocative yet inspired me in one direct way.

Upon reading, there is a huge conversation from bunch of girl who talk very loudd inside that corporate book store.
Attention: Discussion about a man without any shirt posing in the swimming pool inside majalah mangga. I want to laugh out loud. But I dont have friends to laugh with. So, remain silent is the solution. huhu!
Mind concentration is not functioning well toward the big. Half focus to the loud chit-chatting and the other half toward the book.

One thing that I realize; people dont talk about their self-deficiancy. They dont talk about their broken live. They write mostly about their success desire. They talk about how great they are compare to other people. And I wonder why there is nobody want to write about how bad they are. The line start maybe like this:
"Im the most dumbest people in this world. I am wasted. I always getting use to other people. I'm real liar in this world"

Im waiting for that kind. Else i guess I gonna start one.
Till then.

cerita pasal mawi!

ade due care je hidup ni..
Satu ikut aturan.
Dua, lari dari aturan.

Hidup aku nombor dua.
Tidor pukul 7 pagi, bangun 4 petang. Esok tidor sebelas malam bangun lapan pagi.
Bile cakap pasal aturan, dengan senang hati aku ni bukan orang yang berdisiplin, tiada routine, tak boleh masuk askar la senang.

Mawi cakap "apa yang dikejar dalam hidupmu".
Aku cakap: Mawi kejar awek baru.

Bila bangun tidor baru sedar kerja ni tak siap. Itu tak siap. Nak tak nak kene balik kat nombor satu. Tapi dah biasa jadik nombor dua. Slowslow la.
Aku suka tengok kehidupan orang orang yang tak peduli apa dengan sorrounding yang menjadikan routine ke atas diri dia. Dia mewujudkan satu dunia sendiri, office hour sendiri, siang malam sendiri, senang cerita sendiri. Pilihan di tangan dia.

Tapi tak dapat jack. Ko nak hidup, kerja, carik duit. dah ade satu ketetapan. Sebab itu kalau masih di nombor dua. Susah sikit.
Try la masuk nombor satu. slow slow. mane tahu.

What will you do!

-> if u are in lebanon today? the bomb is exploding just accross the street, and your eardrum shaking like hell.
-> the cutest girl/boys that you admire so much sending you a message asking you for a date. nah chessy question la.
-> if suddenly without notice you are positive HIV although you never do drug and always use protection when making love?
-> if you are dreaming you will be put inside hell with high flame FIRE without any fireman inside?
-> if your mom slap you just because she said your face is like ape?
-> if you are charles bukowski or adolf hitler or perhaps zinadine zidane?
-> If you are in the train and suddenly you realize you shit in the pant? And the train got stuck somewhere in more than one hour?
-> if I want you to answer all the question in 1 minutes?
-> if I say the one who do blogspot.com is the dumbest man in the world.

The truth between true and untrue!

When Im a little kids, I always remember that I'm a stubborn kids. (in correct manner: stubborn child). I use to fight my mom and dad even my aunt a lot. I had this very bad "attention disorder" at that time. I remember Im rebelling, crying for not getting what I want. And I can do that for more than 2 hours. Nobody can stop me. Even my dad. The only person who can stop for doing that is me myself. He who make me calm again.

I start to separate from my family when im 13. It give me kind of freedom to choose live in better way. And that's the time when all the rebelling against parent turn to be rebelling against the teacher. Because that time perhaps I got this "liberation disorder". Thats all turn to be the good scenario of living life. Moment of truth. The caption of breaking the rules and finding yourself. Thats great.

And when age gone by, things make you want to feel something new. You want to feel something you dont ever feel. And i keep it simple, i try everything that I want. And moral is another things for me. Empirical is always the solution.

Music save everything. The circle of friends save everything. It bring me to the save light. I dont know what the bright light means, but at least i know im not trap in the so called moral disorder, racist, religious or maybe ignorance stereotype. Im out of boundary. I go far far away. Because the idea of electric save me. It goes side by side with books, movie, travel, friends and many more.

You are in the good state. You beleive in yourself more than any other things. And fly a soul inside you. One truth things that might impact your life is this word EVOL, the best word when you sharing a great relationship with somebody. About hope and trust. The state of confusion. The brain calculation about what is going to be true and untrue.
But perhaps time goes by and when you find sin and saint, about moral and about freedom. You know EVOL is the pure LOVE. You know whats right for your self and what is wrong. The direction is wide open. And you always dare to face and forgiving. You have a heart unless you got terrible heart attack. So go else you failed. And wondering where all those rebel gone when it come to this things. I am still me. Rebel is only a spark to find a things that you want. You are no longer rebel. You want something truth. No matter where im going. Nothing change. You keep asking when will the time come. But you failed to live the present. But its ok coz things can be work no matter what.

Now its past the mid 2006. And in the state of confusion im still sitting in front this computer. Writing a boring story to nobody. It is just for myself. Blogspot.com is just a stepping stone. Its a platform of frustration in certain way. Because when nerve going unstable and nobody can help, perhaps blogspot save the soul.

Skip this if you find love boring.
This might contain 18 and above cencorship stuff.
AND please note that this is not technical writing. yet it is imaginative one.

DONT READ THIS!

I dont know how it feel this way when u found something that is not gonna happen, at last happen to you.. Its the feeling of neither satisfaction or dissapointed. You just sitting there in the state of blurry and wonder is this a hallucation or real truth? Its all about inside your soul.. And the next few hours you come back again..

My other me said: You will feel it like a karma, you see it as a deja vu.. You are not hallucinate... You are the real state.
And me real said: You are in the all chipset manufacturing setup. You dont see things straight. All things that happen is what you wish upon. And what you dont wish you can't ever reach that.